“DONT OPEN, DEAD INSIDE”
Five Simple Steps That Could Help You Survive A Zombie Hospital
Fighting Your Way Out Of A Zombie Infested Hospital
by TS Alan
Never Fear – CDC is Ready. It’s true. The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) has a page dedicated to Zombie Preparedness, And if zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. The agency would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine).
The difference between quarantine and isolation can be summed up like this:
- Isolation applies to persons who are known to be ill with a contagious disease.*
- Quarantine applies to those who have been exposed to a contagious disease but who may or may not become ill.
* Contagious disease: a very communicable disease capable of spreading rapidly from one person to another by contact or close proximity.
The above is courtesy of the CDC website. Even though they believe in the possibility of a zombie apocalypse, what they haven’t told you may just kill you. Your first instinct might be to run to a hospital at the first sign of what you have been told or seen on news reports are the early indicators of initial infection. Just because you may have a mild fever, headache, upset stomach or feel ache doesn’t mean you’re infected. Those symptoms could be signs of other conditions: your hay fever, that bad Chinese food you ate at 2:00 am after that frat party, a cold or even the common flu. Rule number one for an initial breakout: NEVER go to the hospital or to any medical facility! Rule number two for an initial breakout: NEVER go to the hospital or to any medical facility!
If you believe you have the symptoms of a zombie virus, a hospital is the worst place you could possibly go to. The start of the zombie apocalypse could take place in any part of the world, but the majority of its transmission will be in hospitals and medical facilities. Infirmaries are going to become overrun with contagious people in emergency rooms and in waiting areas, and that is where the virus will spread. Initial infection will then spread to medical staff: doctors, nurses, administrative staff and EMTs. So you have two choice: if you are truly infected you must either shoot yourself in the head (or have someone else do it) or resign to the fact that once you succumb to the disease you will reanimate and become one of the mindless undead.
However for the sake of argument, and for this article, we’ll say you’re in hospital for medical care pre-widespread outbreak. First, did you even pay attention to where those emergency exits were when you arrived or were you too incapacitated to take note? No matter what building you enter for any reason, make a mental note of where the emergency exits are located. That is a simple safety rule you should practice at all times, it could save your life even in a non-zombie situation.
Let’s say you were wheeled in on a stretcher in a unconscious state suffering head trauma from an automobile accident (like Rick Grimes from the Walking Dead). You awake to terrified, blood-curdling screams outside your door. You realize it’s not a dream and it’s not your imagination, something heinous is happening. You get out of bed to investigate only to find that all those zombie films you have scoffed and laughed at have jumped from Hollywood fantasy to horrid reality. The undead have risen and they’re running amuck in the corridors devouring everything living they can seize—and you’ll be next if you don’t do something, immediately. Here are 5 steps you’ll need to do in order to stay alive, at least temporally, while you figure out your situation.
Step 1: If the room you are in has a lock on the door, then lock it shut. You may think that is a no brainer, but if you are in a panicked state you may overlook the obvious.
Step 2: Remain calm. Understandably not easy for a non-believer who has been overwhelmed by the reality that the dead can rise—and eat you!
Step 3: Where are you exactly? Look out that window. Are you at ground level or on a floor in which jumping to escape is impractical?
Step 4: Location, location, location. So you ascertained what level of the building you are in, but do you know its location? Is it the South wing, East wing? Where? Most hospital rooms have a floor directory or at least an extension directory tucked away in the night stand next to your bed. It should give you basic information on what room you are in and what wing, and hopefully a floor plan of the level you are on. You should review it and determine the course of action you will want to take in order to survive.
Step 5: Arming yourself. You can’t face the flesh-eating hordes with your bare hands. As I have stated in a previous article, there is no room for bravado or stupidity in a zombie apocalypse. Look around the room, find something, anything, that you can use as a weapon to help keep the living dead at bay. That medical IV stand is perfect. Knock off the wheeled base and you have a metal stay that can be swung or used to impale. Now you’re ready for your escape. Well almost… don’t forget to dress.
Hospitals aren’t the easiest places to secure or escape from because they contain many windows and entrances. Remember, zombies are tenacious as well as clever. They are quite adept at getting through barriers or waiting endlessly outside for you to make a break for it. You will have two basic choices; fight and flee or fight and stay. The choice you make depends on several factors. How far along is the progression of the outbreak? Is it in the initial stages or are the streets overrun with the living dead? Are you a family person, desperate to know your loved one’s welfare and to get back to them or are you on your own? Is the place in which you reside close or does extended travel to your domicile expose you to greater risk than staying where you are? Are you infirm or healthy enough to flee the building? Is there anyone else in the room who could be an asset to you in your escape, whether as an ally or zombie bait? Yes, sometimes the weak must be sacrificed in order for the strong, or more street savvy, to survive. With all these factors considered, does it make more sense to fight and flee or fight and stay? If you cannot flee, than the facility’s cafeteria would be the ideal place for you to seek refuge. There you will find food and water; and hopefully you can secure yourself in for an extended period, to either wait for rescue (not likely) or a time when escaping is a lower risk option.
Whatever decision you make, the odds of survival may be stacked against you, but that is not to say the situation is hopeless. If you keep your calm, come up with an exit strategy, and are healthy and strong enough to fight your way through the zombie masses, then you may just survive.